Recently I've been doing this thing where I sit down and write for a half hour or more. I have a hard time actually doing it, though. Supposedly I have a passion for writing, so the real question is whether or not I can actually be successful in this endeavor. Can I write for the full half hour, and if I can't, why not? Honestly at this point the pressure is off, the gloves are off, I'm just writing from my heart. I'm getting ideas down that can later be siphoned into useable material. Maybe my struggle is because writing is really emotionally taxing. I really want to get distracted and think about the things that I need to get done before I go to England. I'm really excited honestly to no longer work at Best Buy. My job now isn't super difficult, but I'm sick of retail and its burdens. If I could stay forever at my current job, I would do it. I don't think I'd be happy, though. Regardless, that's not the way it's happening. You have better things for me. You're pushing me out.
I don't envy some of my coworkers that
are passionate about retail. They love that type of work. It's
their thing. I would hate the position I was passed up for in Best
Buy Mobile. Honestly, I'm glad Best Buy turned me down for a promotion. I want to stay focused on you. Writing is my way of connecting with
your love for me and for the world around me. I'm
addicted to the feeling I get when I'm writing, although feeling is the wrong word. Too superficial. The word I'm looking for is fulfillment. Contentment. Joy. Joy is different
than entertainment. Joy can express itself emotionally, but it's really a deep inner fulfillment that arises out of knowing who
you are and being happy with it. I feel like I've lost that truth,
I've lost that joy. But I haven't really. I've just forgotten it and
chosen to listen to other voices instead. I must not listen to the
voices that try to drag me away from truth. Truth is apparent inside
of me, and I must let my mind come into alignment with this reality.
As my mind comes into alignment, my eyes change and I start to see
the world through the eyes of God. It's no longer an issue of not
doing enough to access the Kingdom - my works are dead. Works of compassion instead are a natural expression of the love
inside of me. Faith has works, that's the point. But it's already
done, my salvation is already secure, 100%, right now. This can be
a hard reality for the passionate ones to accept, but those
passionate bulls were created to work from grace, not for
grace.
No, it's not about doing enough,
it's about knowing the truth. There is no spoon. The spoon is fear. The spoon is the limitations of an earthly mindset that only
comprehends what's in front of us, or at least what we perceive to be
in front of us. I'd go on a limb and say there are only two ways you
can see the world – through the lens of God or the lens of Satan.
The lens of Satan is worldly – it sees the world as
two-dimensional, it is hell bent on disempowering the body of Christ
and convincing them that they can't do the things that God has said
they can do. Satan is determined to keep us grounded. He is the
serpent. He lives from the earth, he slithers upon it, no longer able
to walk around. His power was stripped from him in the garden. But you may ask, isn't it logical to think that at the fall of man, Satan took control
over the earth? No, beloved. The Lamb was sacrificed before the
foundation of the earth. The Old Testament was about God putting
into motion his master plan that was determined before Adam and Eve
came into existence. The plan of redemption was never plan B. God knew Adam and Eve would eat the
forbidden fruit. It wasn't his intention, and he never wanted them
to do that. But when they ate, something awful happened – they
started to see the world from Satan's perspective. Why? Because in
that moment they forgot who they were. They forgot that they were
powerful sons and daughters of the living God.
Adam and Eve were sons and daughters of God,
but they wouldn't have known what that meant at the time. They thought their identity was based on their obedience. So when they ate the forbidden fruit, they knew was that they had disobeyed God and done what was wrong. They felt shame. They hated themselves and wanted to cover
themselves up. They knew they were naked, and they knew they weren't
divine beings anymore. Or at least they felt like they weren't. And
because they felt like they weren't, and they believed they weren't,
God essentially played along and showed them what it's like to be
ruled, rather than partnered with. He's the loving father that
teaches his children why they shouldn't touch a hot stove by letting
them touch the hot stove. He knew he would have to play the long
game to restore their identity and bring them back into their proper relationship with Him.
This relationship disconnect was never
on the side of God. This was obvious when the Israelites refused to
see God and climb the mountain with Moses, and instead created gods
they could control and rule themselves. They didn't see themselves
as amazing enough or valuable enough to see God's glory. God knew
this and even told Moses that he could only see God's back, in Exodus
20:18-26. Moses drew near to God but not that near, and the LORD was
intent on putting fear in his people so that they would know how
powerful and amazing He is.
This reverence set the standard for
righteousness. God isn't a God of wishy-washy morality. Letting
people slide isn't what real forgiveness is. The world claims to
love and treat people well, but really they only treat people well
that aren't evil and wicked. If people are evil and wicked, the
world judges them. But God forgives them. God forgives Osama Bin Laden. God forgives Hitler. That's the point. We were once all Hitler. Jesus' grace covers all sin, not to free us into sin, but to free us from the sin nature that none of us can overcome on our own.
In light of the redemptive nature of
God, we are able to see ourselves properly, with the scales removed
(Acts 9:18). Every time we read about how amazing God is, we
shouldn't see ourselves as equals to God, because we're clearly not,
but we should see how amazing we are in light of how amazing God is.
Reading the Old Testament and experiencing the fear of the Lord,
combined with the extraordinarily good news of the Gospel of
Jesus Christ putting us in not just a righteous standing, but a changed nature, should make us more confident than we could ever be otherwise. This truth takes us to a place where we
live holy lives, while we wait for the Son to be revealed.
The
thing I still have yet to make a part of my life is letting God's
peace fill my mind and not worry about the things I can't
control, as well as the things I'm afraid of God not being faithful
to me in. God is teaching me obedience. He's showing His faithfulness, and
making it very obvious that it's Him. He's not teaching me obedience just for some future war plans. I think we have
this fatalistic theology based on war, not on peace and love. The
war is already over. God has won. It's Satan who wants us to think that it's still raging. That's why we fight with the sword of
the Spirit, the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, and all the armor of God.
We fight simply to stay above the lies and believe in who we are and
help other people know it also, so that they too may enter in to
relationship with God. That's what the weapons of our “warfare”
are for. They're not for making the gospel true – they're
about helping everyone, including ourselves, aware that it's already true. Amen.
